My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
