do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
