That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
