so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
