Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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