She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
