Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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