dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
