my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
