I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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