my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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