So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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