my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
