whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
