could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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