fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
