Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
