Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
