Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
