...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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