I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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