I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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