My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
