WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
