i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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