It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
