she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
