Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
