Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
