VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
