I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
