officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
