The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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