this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
