He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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