You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
