OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize