I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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