Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
