all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
