Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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