On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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