He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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