we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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