you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
