this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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