We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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