Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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