he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
