HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize