biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
