i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
