No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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