I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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