and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So vagazzling was a success
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
