Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
