"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
