I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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