My friends, they love my intelligence
Duck Duck Cougar?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
