WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
