Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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