I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
