Ambien. No doubt about it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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