Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize